TIME.

When I was a young child time was not of the essence. I didn't know how to tell time nor did I care if I did. The calendar was just a book of random squares that could have possibly had the same equivalence as tic tac toe or hopscotch. Days seemed to take months to pass and months seemed to take years. Each Christmas was a joy because it felt like a billion years had passed since the last time it was celebrated. Summer vacation was sometimes too long and often too boring because it took too long for school to start again. Everything in my life took its time coming and going.

I don't know exactly when this all changed. I think it would be appropriate to say that the day you realize how fast time really goes and how quickly things change is the day you are officially an adult. This is where I am sitting right now in my life. Time has never been more of an essence and I can't seem to get enough days in my week nor weeks into my month. Though hours sometimes seem to drag just as when I was a child, the memories squeezed into any amount of time seem to be non existent. It is literally as if I just blinked my eye and lost another moment.

The reason I say all of this is result of a few different things. First and foremost, my 6 month old baby!! He's been rocking back and forth on his hands and knees so desperately wanting to move forward. Then it dawned on me. In the exact amount of time that has already passed since having him, he will be turning a year old and will most likely be walking. I will no longer at that time have a baby. Sadly, Christmas is none but a dreadful thought to me now because I know it comes to soon and it brings with it the brisk and dreary winters. Summer vacation speeds by quick as lightning and we can't seem to soak up enough play time and sunshine.
Sooner than I'd like, Everything I am experiencing now will be memories past. My journals that I kept will soon be things I had long forgotten about. How terrible is it that we as people were given minds that could hold such a select amount of memory. Though its fortunate to not have to always hold onto pain, you in turn trade in many of your moments of Joy as well. If only we could go to Best Buy and upgrade the memory on our hard drives.

Its hard for me to grasp the fact that most everything I do, say and experience I won't remember in a few years...possibly not a few months. Looking back to last week or the week before, I can't pin point exactly the things that made me laugh, smile or cry. Though for now I can remember things I was doing, everything is relatively summed up with minor detail. Sure, you'll always hold on to a select few major events in your life. Some you maybe able to recall as if it only happened yesterday. But what about the day to day events? I can't remember what my son looked like as a baby without looking back at pictures. I can't remember what my daughters cry sounded like without looking back unto videos. These are the things that make me sad. To know that even as I write this, in a few years I won't remember doing so without reading it. Our children will grow and change before our very eyes, as will we, and we won't hold onto much of any of it.

This is whats been on my mind tonight. I love watching my kids grow. Isaiah is almost done with first grade, he is exactly the same age I was when some of my fondest memories occurred. He is out there creating his own lifetime of memories. Annabelle, she is going to be 4 this summer! She'll be starting pre-school and as excited as she is, I'll be so sad to be without her during my days...for the next many, many years. Julian is already turning 6 months old and I am still trying to realize that I'm not pregnant anymore! It really really does seem like I was just newly pregnant with him yesterday. Its all so amazing to me. Time is so of the essence. I never understood why grown ups griped and complained about not having enough time. Now I get it.
Now, sadly, I too am officially an adult.