ba hum bug. THats me.

so I've contemplated deleting this blog all together. As you can see, I don't have the time for keeping up with anything related to sharing my life with others. I do try to keep my family informed on My shutterfly site, which I tend to update after big events, such as holidays. But this blog is a place for me, and a place for me is just so far from my thoughts.

It shouldn't be though. I need an outlet, a place to rant and to call my own. Between keeping up on 3 seperate, hand written journals for my kids and two different blogs, believe it or not, I run out of things to say. Despite that though, My head keeps twirling around. I have so much to talk about, I just don't feel like talking anymore. Lately, I've felt lonely, not to mention a little bit of everything else.

I could blame it on the holidays. I tend to get a bit grinchy at this time of year. I have been like that for a while now. Even though I currently still pull out my collections of santa clause figures and make sure my house is thoroughly decorated for the holidays, I still imagine My self becoming the old witch in the scary house and black dress when I'm an old woman. Thats pretty much the way I feel inside...just a little bit of "blah". Thats a scary thought though, isn't it?

Things have been compiling this month. We got hit with an unexpected $7,500 dr bill that has to be paid within 15 days (hahahaha). Yah, our insurance company has just flat out decided to not cover Annabelles visit to childrens hospital in August. Its been deemed as not Medically necessary. And despite our numerous attempts to appeal the denied claims and the drs attempts to submit forms that prove it was medically necessary, our insurance company is unwavering in their decision. To summarize, The total cost of the procedure turns out to be $13,000 Dollars...yes 13 thousand!! To fill some damn cavities on Baby teeth. Our dental insurance covered $4000 and I had already paid out of pocket $1000. Now, I get $7500 more...due now. Someone please try to argue with me and tell me our medical system in this country is not just plain Crooked!! Robbery is what it is.

There are other things too. Jeremy's job, as well as it pays, is just been aweful for the both of us. We are finally really starting to be drained and feel the burdens of being away from each other so often. Now that he is working 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, He literally misses half the month. The good, fun things we want to participate in ALWAYS happen to fall on his 2 weeks at work. Including EVERY holiday and anything else you could think of. This job has been a blessing, but the joy in it has ran dry and we are just praying for something new and better to come along.

Its hard to not be so bitter, forgive me. At church today, I realized how much I have. But I also realized how much more God wants for us to have. I'm not really talking about fiances. I'm talking about his goodness, grace and Mercy. God is so MUCH more than what we have. The cry of my heart right now is just that I will see it. We need him. I don't think we can get through any of these misfortunes with out him. But like I said, its hard to not be so bitter. I know that is hindering our blessing.... vicious circle it is.

Well, I'm certainly not promising that this blog entry means I'll get back into it. I'll try though. I like writing. I like sharing. In the mean time, be sure to catch our newest pics and entries on Shutterfly at www.thefinchfamily5.shutterfly.com